26th. And 26 to go. Wow.
32nd. And many more to come? Wow.
The road has not been an easy one. But as CC so prayerfully said, full of “wonderful moments to cherish”. Moments cherished not just when they are happy ones, but especially when they are transformative ones. The most precious moments are the ones when I am most aware of the love of God, however He reveals it to me.
A ‘ritual’ each year. A birthday entry. And reading the previous one. I read, late last night. I wrote, “Unless there is a miracle now. What is God seeing that I am still not able to believe? I need to believe that He is near…” The difference this year blows my mind.
Another ‘ritual’ each year. Carefully keeping every thought, wish, prayer, gift that comes in, however big or small. Am blessed with friendship and family. Many who stood by me fiercely and faithfully then, still do today. Their own faith and journeys encourage and inspire me.
We like to think that with each birthday, we grow to be bigger, stronger, wiser, healthier, better people. We might even pray the prayer of Jabez, asking God to “enlarge our territory”. But I have found, after 26 weeks and almost 25 lessons, that in order to grow, sometimes I need to be cut back. And by the world’s standards, appear to be smaller, weaker, foolish and worse off. Be glad in my finiteness.
So today, I am filled with gratitude. Gratitude for being ‘cut down’, trimmed, reshaped, broken in, turned around, washed. And set to rest.