Before and Hence

This morning, prompted to pull out something that I haven’t looked at in a year. A summary of personal journals. Yes, it sounds crazy, but I have a summary of my journals from since 2003. Where I sieve out markers, significant seasons, and the Scriptures that came along with them. Seasons in one column with brief descriptions, Scriptures in another.

What did I see today? I saw plenty of crisis. Even re-reading those “it-never-rains-it-always-hurricanes” seasons now makes me tired. Too many near-deaths, by-the-skin-of-my-teeth escapes, and ungraceful exits. Every time I thought, “This has got to be the ultimate already!”, I had to eat my words down the road.

But as the seasons became more and more impossible, so did the surety and intensity of Scripture.  There were so many times when everything that could possibly fall apart, did. But in the falling apart, God only became more apparent – because He was the only ‘thing’ left standing. Every running away only led to a running towards the rock-solid truth of the word of God and Himself revealed.

So today I also saw hope. I saw that every page I’m living out in my little book of life is exactly that – a page. God knows the full story – and He says it is already done and it is perfectly beautiful. The story of knowing Him and being known.


[There was a particular entry in that summary that caught my eye. Wrote this in October 2007, when a colleague suddenly passed on. He was a man with a disability, but boy was he good! I remember having conversations with him about studying in Canada – because he loved the work that I loved, and (I found out to my surprise) he had personal friends in the school that I had my eye on. His passing was a shock to all of us. For me, it came too quickly after the sudden death of another colleague the year before. As it turned out, I was the last person she’d messaged, so I remember going to the police station to have my statement taken. I’ll never forget the last question she asked me, which I never got to answer – but I look forward to meeting her again and giving her my reply with much joy… So, the second passing was a good time to step back and reflect:

Eternity returns to my heart’s consciousness

Yet in the deafening silence and vastness of this desert, God meets me… He has simply chosen to allow me to grow through another difficult season.

Eternity shows us if we are spending our lives rightly – if we are spinning around frantically, or finding strength in being quiet. Eternity reminds us that life does go on forever, just that a minute part is on earth. The larger part goes on in a reality too wonderful, good and perfect for our minds to comprehend.

Have I seen each season of my life as preparation? Have I wondered enough about where each step I walk is taking me? Do people see Jesus in me? Do I see the temporal things of earthly life larger than they really are? If every act of my life strikes a chord that will vibrate in eternity, what is my song?]


Knees to the Earth (Watermark)


About lilac butterfly

Live. Love. Learn. Laugh. Write. Draw. Colour. Blend. Play. Dream. Cry. Reflect. Pray. Sing. Worship. Bake. Cook. Rest. Give thanks.

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