Love Always Prevails (VIII)

What a scary 3 days it has been!

Things started feeling a bit not-right on Thursday. How I knew – was sitting in the class and wasn’t quite there. By late Thursday night, the “not-right”ness had worked its way into a full blown boulder-in-the-throat ‘thing’. And I felt feverish.

I know this may seem trivial, common – “ah, it’s just a bad throat”. But. When you have an autoimmune condition and your doctor has just increased your steroid dosage by 60%, you get jumpy for good reason. I was feeling alright before the spike, and honestly, felt less alright after we raised the dosage (spurts of hi-energy followed by major fizzle-out).

Have we overcorrected? Was it a wrong pre-emptive move? Did we self-compromise my immunity? Is this going to be a miscalculation circa Q4 2011 + Big Flare Q1 2012? 

came creeping into my mind. I felt defeated.

Sheesh, I was feeling alright, managing myself quite well, going at a balanced load and rhythm. Look what’s happening now…

Was in really bad shape in the wee hours of Friday morning. Cold sweat, feverish, frozen hands and feet. Forced myself up with barely enough strength to stand and pop 2 Panadol (just to take the pain away), and collapse back in bed. I prayed. Hard. Real hard. Prayed for impossible things. Prayed for the pain to totally go away. Prayed for mischief in the body to cease. Prayed for inflammation (wherever) to die down. Prayed for preservation and immunity to be kept up. Prayed, prayed, prayed.

Very strange, but I woke up in the morning – still in pain, but with a strangely shiny and baby-soft face. (Hey, I don’t mind a dewy complexion at all, but I’d appreciate less painful ways to get it!) I still felt bad and really weak, and was halfway through an sms to JC to tell her I just couldn’t go in when I remembered:

Duh. All the stationery is still in College.
I need them for Saturday.
I HAVE TO GO IN AND GET MY BABIES.

Discarded the sms and got up. Did only what was really necessary to be ready. Prayed. Hard. Real hard.

Lord, help.
If I really need to do these things today, then You better show me how.
The only thing I want to face now is my pillow.
So You have to help me.
Please. 

Was in the class before 8.30am. Set up as usual, then waited for 2 hours in a little room before the due session. Spaced out for 2 hours. Really just spaced out. Very strange again – from the time I got up, prepared, set up till sitting in the little room… it all felt very peaceful. I felt like if the sky collapsed on my head at that moment, I would be able to smile. Very strange.

Thank God the session went on smoothly. AM came in mid-way and started playing with the stationery, which made it more light-hearted and gave me an unexpected energy boost. Somehow, managed to do the photography and wrap up extra quickly too. Got home physically spent but in good time – just in time for the afternoon clinic so that I could get myself checked. The doc poked around a bit, said it didn’t seemed serious at all – “just an ulcer” – and sent me home with some meds.

So how now? Should I still go and recce? Or just ask DN to help me get rough measurements and wing it on Saturday morning? Just go home and sleep now. But the space is very tricky, that I know already… 

Prayed. Hard. Real hard.

Lord, help.
If it’s really better for me to go and figure it out, then You have to keep me awake & alert. 
I just want to crawl into a hole. Now. And stay there. 
So You have to help me. 
Please. 

Gut feel after a while – GO. So I did. Glad I did. We found an interesting way to do Saturday. Even managed to do some preps Friday night, one more important thing for church, then collapsed in bed. Prayed. Hard. Real hard. Prayed for impossible sustenance and strength.

Woke up Saturday. Felt like an elephant was stuck in my throat. Just a tad feverish. But less pain. Hmm. Prayed. Hard. Real hard. Prayed to last the morning.

And it all turned out well, with more than a few hands God sent to support and cheer, and feet that walked alongside. My special thanks to CS, TW, DN and ST.

A surprise discovery after the morning:

*

Thankful that I feel much better now. Not fully recovered, but definitely better than on Thursday night (the elephant has become a tadpole). What a scary 3 days it has been!

But.

His Love Always Prevails.

雖有千人仆倒(史茵茵)

Chanced upon this and felt it so apt. And surprise, surprise, how nicely it fits with the current TBOT theme on ‘eagles’ and Psalm 91 🙂

Advertisements

About lilac butterfly

Live. Love. Learn. Laugh. Write. Draw. Colour. Blend. Play. Dream. Cry. Reflect. Pray. Sing. Worship. Bake. Cook. Rest. Give thanks.

4 comments

  1. seok lin

    Hi, Wendy

    I am starting my sabbatical now till January and leaving for UK on Thursday! Will attending an 18 day silent retreat as part of the sabbatical – soo loooking forward to this time of solitude and prayer, with Abba and our Lord, reconnecting to who I am in Him 🙂

    We catch up in early Jan? Will email you to check dates!

    Have a blessed year end – and may His light in you continue to shine and bless those around you!

    Seok

    • Hi Seok!

      Wow, fantastic! I feel so excited for you :))) I can’t wait to hear about it! 18 days – a wonderful and blessed time it will be. What a great year to end the year and begin the next one.

      Catching up – yup, sure! May the Lord answer your seeking & resting with the enough-ness of His very person and the renewing power of His love.

      Wens

  2. Seok lin

    What an inspiring experience! Reminds me of these words from Henri Nouwen:
    ” the great mystery of ministry is that while we ourselves are overwhelmed by our own weaknesses and limitations, we can still be so transparent that the Sprit of God, the divine counsellor, can shine throughnus and bring light to others”

    How blessed we are that you can bring your creative gifts to OSC 🙂 history is literally being created before our very eyes as you visually capture the hopes, yearnings and aspirations within our hearts…

    May the good Lord continue to grant you strength and inspiration for the journey!!

    Seok

    • Hi Seok!

      So nice to read from you 🙂 🙂 Thanks for sharing Henri Nouwen – I love his writing, and reading his stuff always reminds me of my sabbatical last year…

      I’m thankful and humbled to be able to participate in OSC in this way – and with so many friends like yourself! This kind of thing, may only happen once in a lifetime. Cherish it, and thank God for the chance to witness the conversations.

      Amen to your prayer – He is your Strength, Teacher, Inspiration and Comfort too. Let’s meet up soon!

      Wens

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: